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Dec. 6th, 2006 | 01:07 am

Now I only have like four issues of the Bloodlines Annuals and less of the Marvel equivalent that I think came out in the same year.  And I have no idea where they are, but I can say with 99.896% certainty that 99% of them sucked.  That's what comes from creating a character for no other purpose than creating a new one.  Wish I did but more of them, just to have blogging material, but there were no blogs back then, which was like thirteen years ago.  Damn, I feel old.  NFL SuperPro, take me away.

Speaking of loads of crap, I have here the worst pant load ever in X-Men history, and that's counting the Return of Claremont and Chuck Austen's lapse of continuity.  I'm talking about     Whoa, whoa, Charles.  I didn't write.  And I'm just getting started.

As our story begins, the world is reacting to the news that, with the Legacy Virus cured, Magneto has the most powerful army ever assembled.  Way to forward think, U.N.!  As everyone's opinions are broadcast over national television, Xavier over-emotes as Magneto has done absolutely nothing so far.  It ends with a veiled threat by Magneto via pre-recorded tape (mutant terrorism, pre-9/11!) and Xavier ripped out of the mansion, with absolutely no alarm or X-Men intervention, whatsoever.  All the makings of a classic, Lobdell.

For the first part of this little drama, we get Jean Grey recruiting the lamest team of mutants, ever.  And I'm counting the Great Lakes Avengers.  In an effort to prevent "World War III", Jean has the bright idea to go out and recruit rookie mutants to go up against Magneto's army of mutants.  Guys more than likely well trained and ready to start some shit.  And who do we have on deck:

Hector Rendoza    A newly minted mutant with see through skin and bad taste in music.

Paulie Provenzano    a former Marine recruited while trying to take over a mob family.  Desperate times and all that.

Leyu Yashida    Sunfire's unmentioned and unreasonably hostile sister, answering a summons her jerk brother apparently couldn't be bothered to answer.

And before you think it all just surly Japanese schoolgirls and Italian-American stereotypes, we get some established players as well.

Like, Northstar, who graces the cover of this issue with no background context.  As an aside, though mostly having to do with Northstar's book signing, I never bought into Northstar being gay.  It reeked of attention grabbing and is only played up for dramatic effect.  And he seems to have never had a boyfriend, but pines for Iceman and has the obligatory weird relationship with his twin sister, Aurora.

Johanna Cargill    formerly known as Frenzy and Acolyte of Magneto.  Funny thing, Johanna is seen in the beginning of the story being held in an undisclosed room by the government, about to be tortured for information on Magneto.  Before Jean springs her, Johanna declares her undying loyalty to Magneto, but then later thanks Jean for the second chance.  Say wha?  And wouldn't that be a third chance, seeing as she led the Alliance for Apocalypse?

And making a surprise appearance, Alison Blaire   Dazzler, which prompts Hector to exclaim, "I have both of your albums."  Why?  She hasn't performed since joining the X-Men and somehow this kid is into her music.

With this lineup, you know it's going to be memorable.  Memorable or horrible, one or the other.

Part two tomorrow.

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from: anonymous
date: Jan. 8th, 2007 03:37 pm (UTC)

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